My First Childhood Failure: Now I Called it Experience!

In 2011, when I was class five at Fuji refugee Primary School, l took the risk of reading and trying to work hard without knowing whether I would pass or fail. It was normal to be labelled unintelligent and stupid if you read and fail. To avoid such a label, most students choose not to read and fail, for they would at least not feel guilty.

Reasons for the going to school, after all, ranged from taking porridge as a main meal to protection from wind, scorching sun and exploiters. Notwithstanding, all pupils were united by hope

One day I suddenly took the decision to face my fear. The fear of reading books.

 "Mom!" I said, keeping eye contact with her, " Buy me a Science book." I cried. 

My mother bought me a brand new standard 5 science book plus other books such as Social Studies, English and Mathematics which I have not asked for. For the first time, I planned self-driven, 4-years-length goals, for instance, adding one more language, English, by 2014 into the list of languages I can read and write. Every day, I would hide in some corner of the brush house or under an old tree and bury my head into the books to stimulate my fertile imagination. Sure, I cannot get out of the camp, but through books and maps, I could roam the world freely. For the love of books, I even dreamt of reading a book as large as a room with letters as big as dogs and cats dancing in it. Imagin I will interpret books!

But I loved the Science book the most, and so I would read it more than other books. The Science book was a combination of Biology and Health, basics of Chemistry and Physics and Hygiene. This fresh interest led to my first failure. I had to constantly change my reading methods until I found a method that best suits my memory. The important thing was I had to change my grades, and attitude towards education. 

MY FIRST FAILURE
   "I guess you could call it 'failure' but I prefer the term 'learning experience'."~ Andy Weir.

" Class! Yesterday we learnt about the three states of matter. Do you remember the three?" The Science Teacher, Mr Mbossa asked. Although he was tall and giant, he was hilarious too.🤣 

To answer the question, soon, about ten students out of the 100 pupils raised their hands. Encouraged by the recent consistent reading, my mother's support and the willpower to change my life and grades, I too raised a tiny hand at the back of the class.  The first selected student answered the question and confidently said Solid. No sooner had he said than a round of applause followed. The second selected student gave a second answer as  'gas' and got a handclap on the shoulder that almost rattled my teeth. The third selected student was me. As soon as the teacher pointed the finger on me to answer the question I trembled, sweated and said ' Liqquuud' in such a funny way that the entire class burst into laughter instead of clapping. At the same moment, my fear intensified, and I was sweating and my heart was in my mouth pounding. After two seconds of awkward pregnant silence, the teacher mimicked me and sarcastically said Is that the Queen's accent?  And then again, the entire class were hysterically laughing at me.

While the walls of the class were shaking with laughter, inner me was regretting. Endless questions of self-blame were running in my head. Why? Why have I raised my hand? Why have I even tried? It was the first time I accepted that I am really stupid. I swore under my breath that I would never ever again try, even if I know the answer like Fatiha. I cried, shedding no tear. The splendid thing is, to them I remained stoic as the harsh refugee life dictates. As my brain cells were debating whether or not I am dull-witted, I developed my first stress. Whereas most of my brain cells unanimously agreed that I am ignorant, brainless fool, a few protested and opposed. After all, I was right and my only mistake was the pronunciation. I thought as time started healing me. Indeed, time is a great healer.

This is a one-year report form in 2012

One year after that incident I was in position 5 out of

 107 students. At one point I Scored 90% in Science. 

 

Two days after that incident I was once again raising my hand constantly and actively taking part of classes as if nothing happened. Days passed, and I was even immune to laughter and teasing from classmates. Months passed, and I was respected in the class for my good grades. I was not number 1 in class-position but I was usually top 5, with above-average grades. My classmates sought my assistance with the assignments. At the end of class 8, our class set for National examination and the most important was that I got A in Science leading my class.

Overcoming my fear of reading near my classmates was truly a huge success. I accepted to suffer through the challenges and gladly, my sacrifice bore fruit. 

The reason I am talking about my failure is that it no longer impacts me (Another reason is that it may help you as a student). I considered a victory that my failure shrank into experience because it's defeated by the will of Allah, prayer and determination. 

8 years after that experience, with the will of God, it was my honour to volunteer as a teacher of Biology and Chemistry at Greenlight Secondary School, which is not far from Fuju Primary School. I want to thank God for giving me the ability and the desire to help other students. I also want to thank my teachers and all those who supported me and my classmates. No matter how overwhelming the odds were, I cannot proclaim my achievements without admitting I was privileged.

While I accept that stress because of failure can really damage one's health, hurt one's performance and generally impact negatively in all aspects of one's life, I believe that it can also be great asset and motivation in achieving whatever you want. In other words, stress is good and bad depending on the victim. Even though I understand it is challenging, I would recommend you to use the stress positively. Use it as an asset that helps you grow spiritually. Ultimately, remember what does not kill you, makes you stronger.